September?

Why am I averaging 1 blog post every few months?

I'm sorry I've become so super distant and removed, guys.  Guys?  Are you still there...?

Well, I know there's at least 2 of you still paying attention.  So, thanks :)

I seem to have plateaued in my creativity, & spirituality.  I'm mostly content to just chill on the couch on my down time, and by chill I mean sleep.  I work, and I nap.  It's what I do.

Ok, well, I did bust out with some creativity the other day and made a cake for one of my local besties, Sara.  Wanna see? Ok. Here it is.

She liked it.
See?

Then we shared it.

These girls are all smiling cause I made them cake.

Or maybe it was b/c we all made this painting for Sara that turned out kind of awesome.

So....
Happy September 21st!

P.S. I ate these raw oysters the other day with a cute boy.  I fibbed and told him, I'd had them before, duh, who hasn't? Psh... and then I ate them, and was like NOM NOM NOM NOM... THEETH ARE REALLY GOOooD NOM NOM NOM.... (then I sneaked a pic with my phone so I could tell ya about it later.) The end.

Sunday Funday

So, hi guys!

How's about an update?

Back in May, I had my dance recital and it was SO cute and FUN and perfect.  What a great way to end a great year of learning and growth and cutie pies.  Believe it when I say that I don't have a single picture or video clip from that day.  I was too busy running that show, and all the people that promised to give me pictures of the day or send me video have not. Jerks.  So, sorry.  I promise, it happened in real life.

My first year of business was a blessed one.  I learned a lot. The end. 

Florida is incredible.  I love LOVE love living here.  I mean, Richmond VA is amazing, and I loved living there and it will forever hold an enormous place in my heart, but Fla? Tis' another place for me to call home. 

Tallahassee continues to grow on me.  I'll admit, at first I wasn't so sure about this college town, but the more I live here, and especially now that I'm living in a new part of town, I couldn't be happier (unless I had a beach house in St. Petersburg)

Which brings me to my next point, I drive down to Tampa and St. Petersburg every chance I get.  It's about 4 hours away, but worth the drive.  I WISH that it was in the cards for me to live down there, but for now, it simply is not.  But suffice it to say Tampa Bay area was built for a girl like me.  Love the people, love the restaurants, love the activity, love the weather, love the area. Love, love, love, love love.

So, hey, guess what? I'm training for a marathon! I decided it's time.  It's been an item on my "Bucket List" for years and now I'm serious about it.

Some good movies I've seen lately include: Jane Eyre, and Midnight at Paris and Secretariat.  All of them some of the best I've ever seen.  For those of you with kiddos, Secretariat is a true story about a rad horse that makes you want to cry when you watch him run in the races. I was literally cheering out loud for him and tearing up.  Man, I don't know what it is about boxing movies and animal movies, but I lose it every time.

Good books- the Book of Mormon, Anna Karenina, Jane Eyre, As a Man Thinketh, How to Win Friends and Influence People, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and Attached.

These aren't books you've never heard of, but I'm currently reading all of them.  And they're all superb. Oh actually, you might not have heard about Attached.  It's a book about the 3 attachment styles of love, written by a couple of doctors.  If you're in love and have some problems understanding your mate, or wish you were in love read it.  It's the newest research.  An LDS psychologist recommended it to me (he's my home teacher. No, I'm not in therapy....although I should be, and sort of am already getting free sessions....) Anywho, girls, read the book, it's pretty brill.

Yesterday, a girlfriend of mine and I went on a an adventure and it was AWEsome.  Tallahassee is about 30 minutes from a river that comes from a Spring called Wakulla.  It's so clean and clear you could literally drink it as you swim in it, and it's the most refreshing temperature.  (last week I was at the beach and the water was so warm, believe that I was disappointed... it was just too warm! haha Has that ever been a complaint in Idaho??)

Yes there are alligators in the water, and yes, I swam in it.  Here's the thing, I know what you're thinking.  The alligators are going to get me!  No.  Alligators are present, but during the day they're either on the banks or back far in the trees.  They're cold blooded, so they sun during the day, hunt during the night.  Furthermore, they're non aggressive, unlike crocodiles.  They are afraid of humans and leave whenever you come near.  AND what's more, is the water is so clear you could see it coming if you got a half retarded one that thought it was night and you were a bird.

Here are come picts of the day.  I'm pretty sure that tomorrow I'm going to do the exact same thing I did yesterday.

Look a manatee! Neat-o!

 That thing on it's fin is a tracking device.

 Taking a breather, right by my kayak.

 Look over yonder! A creeeeature!

 So, it's like a felony to touch the manatees.  So I can't really say, but they may or may not have felt rough with hair, like an elephant.

 Here I am randomly taking picts and this guy happened to be cruising passed us and didn't mind smiling for the camera! haha! cute adventure boy.

 Sharing some grub

 Um. Don't look at my dorky expression, note the manatees in the back making my life awesome.

 Obviously we didn't swim in this part of the river.  See the baby alligator in the vegetation!

Beauties.

 The dark part of the water is the sea weed.  I hate sea weed! Bah! You never know what sort of creatures are hiding in there!  At one point during our adventure we came across some people shucking scallops and they saw we were (such geeks) sharing one pathetic and old pair of goggles, so they offered to let us borrow their masks and snorkels.  We gladly accepted and swam around and to the bottom of the river searching for Seminole artifacts.  Didn't find anything... oh well! It was amazing!

 This is me in my element, being nothing but pure awesome.  Can you see the 2 little girls standing on the platform next to me?  They were so funny! So I'm up there preparing to jump, and wondering if the water is too shallow here and 1 of the girls speaks up and is like "oh no, it's not too shallow, if you jump like this and then pull your feet up like this, you won't even touch the bottom or the sea weed, and so I'm like, ok sure, and run and take a jump.  When I climb back up there, the girls are hesitating to jump, so I ask them what they're doing.  They laugh and admit it was their first time jumping and were a little scared! haha!!! They tricked me!

 This is one of my favorite pictures taken of me of all time.  It's just so awkward and hilarious.  I'm like... "wait, hold on, hold on, let me hold my nose.  I got this."

Gator! This lil dude was the only guy I saw all day, (he's the same gator in the other pic)  Isn't he precious!

Happy Fourth of July tomorrow! Yay America! Yay freedom!

No big deal.

So, I moved into a new place equipped with a full sized rottweiler. No big deal.
I had fleas for a week.  No big deal.
Just held my first dance recital. No big deal.
Spent the afternoon at Anna Maria island/Heaven on Earth. nbd
Am currently hanging out in a top floor, corner office in downtown Tampa.  No big deal.

(One or more or all of the above items may or may not be, in fact, big deals.)

Note.
Is it just me, or is it incredible every single time you look down from an airplane or a skyscraper? I've been to this office more than a dozen times and it always takes my breath away.  It's a big deal.

The new man in my life.

Just look at this face!  Don't be fooled by the small photograph.  This kid weighs over 80 pounds; he's huge! (and so adorable.)

I'm a foster mommy now for this adolescent Rottweiler.  His name is Big Boy, but I took the liberty of renaming him Wesley.  He likes it better.  He thinks it sounds more refined, and reflects his personality in a more positive light.  I think he actually IS a big boy and needs some training.  He's been neglected and malnourished, poor thing.

He's absolutely as sweet as can be, and we've become tight friends over the past week, although it feels like a few weeks.  I've seen him interact with other humans, and what melts my heart is he clearly favors me over all others.  He is very friendly to everyone though, except for that one time when a friend came over, through the back gate.  Quiet, nonvocal, jolly Wes surprised me by standing in front and barking twice in a protective manner.  I reassured him the intruder was a friend. Good boy. hehe

This is sort of like one of those lease-to-own deals, where Wesley and I could potentially become a  permanent family.  That idea is becoming less daunting to me, the more I spend time with him, and the more I watch The Dog Whisperer.

I'm pretty much in love with him... sigh.  When he's around, I feel like I can just be myself you know? Goofy and snuggly.  He doesn't mind my current obsession with non-stop watching of Seinfeld.  He doesn't mind that I talk to him in baby voice or that I can't run as fast as he can.  He's protective of me, and basically the perfect man.  

The only problem is the fleas.  He's got em, and now so do I.  Well, until yesterday.  We had the Critter Getters come in and bomb the whole house and yard, and he got a good scrubbing.  But man, look what I have had to deal with!

 

It's been a trial, but Wes is worth the trouble.  I'm already completely smitten, head over heels. 

I'm still here!

Update!

I'm going to dedicate a future blog post for the subject of my work, so I'm not going to say much here on the matter. And you'll have to wait a little over a month for it.  Sorry, but don't worry, it'll be worth the wait :)  All I will say now, is that a month from today is our recital and these lil darlings are going to be positively edible.  I love my girls!

As you may know, I took up horseback riding last summer, and have been off and on taking lessons for the past several months.  Unfortunately, that has ceased indefinitely.  I have to be careful with the risks I choose to take with my body since I make my living moving and grooving.  It makes me mildly sad, I do love my foggy, early morning rides with those majestic creatures.  I promise myself I will take it up again, when the time is right.

I've started running again, and I participate in ultimate frisbee most Saturday mornings.  This Saturday, however, I'll be playing in my first softball game in like...decades...(wish me luck!) I love the physical activity.  It makes me feel alive and clearheaded.

This year (as in 2011) I've taken out my kayak, just once... it's such a beast to lug around, but once it's in the water, its worth it.  I reckon I'll be doing this a lot this summer as long as I have another set of hands who want to join me.  I love seeing the Alligators sunning on the banks or swimming in the water.  I'm always looking for them, but they mostly steer clear of humans, so they're hard to spot.  I took my friend Hayley out, last weekend, and she got so upset when I confirmed there was probably gators where we were currently kayaking.  Apparently, she, from Washington state, didn't get the memo that the big lizards are still alive and thriving in Florida... ha!

I have decided that my life will not be complete until I go out to England to visit Dixie next summer.  So that's another 1 of my short term goals. This is us in New Orleans over Christmas break. 

Dix- this next pic is for you.  This, m'friend, is a drip castle.  You could also say it's a forest of evergreens covered in snow.

I haven't been the beach as much as one would expect, living in Florida and all.  Although, I did happen to make a trip 2 weekends ago, to St. George Island, where I crafted the above drip castle.  The weather, although warm, was foggy and mystical looking (see pic below), so using my abundant common sense, I failed to apply sunblock.  I thought "spf cloud" would block the harmful rays.  Believe that a week and a half later, I am STILL peeling skin off my body.  Gross.  Mark my words, friends, I will never make the mistake again.

The fog looked a lot prettier in person, it was almost magical.  And then around 3, the sky opened up, and that same ocean looked like this! Amazing!

 

Been thinking about this little boy a lot lately.  So I'll throw a pic up of his precious face.  I love this little man more than probably anybody else in the world.  He is perfection.  Miss you little man.

 

Speaking of people that I love.  These 2 girlies deserve a shout out. Olivia and Zoe are 2 of the cutest girls I know here in Tally and I look forward to being witness to their lives.  They're leaving me for the exotic intrigue of Utah...(ahem...cough)  Good luck to them and their endeavors! Love you friends! xoxo

Another person whom I love is this man.  He came to Orlando and did a Q&A for the single adults.  I was simply inspired.  I so appreciate and admire a person who manages to balance direct, guileless instruction with kindness.  I strive to be such a person.  

He spoke next to this sacred and beautiful building that I am hoping to get married in someday. Yes that is the Orlando temple.

Wasn't conference good last weekend?  I love conference.... oh sigh... I just love it.  I took lots of notes, but the biggest thing that I got, is cutting out the unimportant, uninspiring, and negative influences from my life.  Furthermore, and likewise being unapologetic about it!  Life is short, and it goes by so fast!  I must follow the admonition of the Apostle Paul who says to seek after only the best things in life.  And Prioritize!

Sacrifice means giving up good things for better things, not bad things for good things.  Put more eloquently; Sacrifice is the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.  I love it!  It's so empowering to do  hard things for the right reasons. 

President Monson and all other speakers at conference this last weekend, I love you...

So, did I mention I've been painting a bit since I moved to Tally?  I did 2 large pieces a few months ago, and have been waiting for some inspiration to finish my last one.  I finally got to it, this weekend, while I listened to conference.  It's my interpretation of the tree of life.  The lighting in the garage make the colors look a little drab here, but I am pleased with how it turned out.  I'd like to create a new painting every couple months.

In addition to my aforementioned goals, others include reading these books cover to cover:

Completing this series:

Begin reading:

And to take out my surf board and my long board and become mightily proficient.  Yes. Mightily proficient.

a possibility. 3 actually.

Last weekend, I went to Tampa to attend the Landmark Forum.  It's a sort of self-improvement program for people who want to experience a better quality of life.  (You can research it here if you wish.)

I want to share with you some of what I personally got out of it.  Brace yourself for some honesty.  It's almost painful for me to to post this.

I discovered that I have issues with authenticity.

[I'm curious. Are you surprised? I'm guessing you're probably not...]

It didn't really occur to me till this weekend, but I sort of energetically run around making sure I get the message across that my life is super awesome, hunky dorey, and I have not a care in the world, when I am actually drowning. 

I imagine myself at a large and beautiful pool, surrounded by people I know.  Everybody is soaking up the rays and peacefully enjoying one another's company.  I am out there in the deep end, I have a cute bathing suit on and a trendy swim cap, of course, but also these weights on my ankles which are pulling me down.  I am swallowing a lot of chlorinated water, while trying to breathe and tread water.  If anybody looks my way in concern, I laugh and hold up a sign that says, "Don't mind me, I'm exercising!" 

Ridiculous.

I guess, that's what I do.  I pretend to be enjoying my life.  I am concentrating so much of my efforts into making sure others believe I am enjoying myself, that in reality I am not b/c I'm never fully engaged in the moment.  Furthermore, I have this perceived idea of how I think others want me to be, and so I take on that persona.  As a result, my relationships suffer b/c, in order for me to keep it up, I have to maintain a safe distance with everybody.  This limits me tremendously and leaves me unfulfilled.  No matter where I am, I believe that I am an outsider, but I tell myself that it's ok, b/c at least I look like I'm fine.

The bottom line is that I'm so preoccupied with my idea of "looking good" that I am disengaged.  Besides being completely unsatisfying, two ironic things about this exist.  You can probably see right through my in-authenticity, number one, and number two, it doesn't actually look good anyhow.

What does this mean in specifics?... Well, I will tell you.

- I have relationships with men that I'm not actually in love with. (Anybody out there wondering why I'm still not married? Bingo.) There are various reasons, and so much more I could say on the matter, but I won't. Suffice it to say, that love has rarely been the driving force in my relationships.

-I have only dated 1 person that I was truly absolutely crazy into, but it ended quite abruptly b/c I couldn't be real with him.

-Years ago, in Idaho, I gave up my scholarship and a possible future performing to pursue something "more meaningful" [??] b/c I thought it made me look like an airhead with no ambition if I didn't.

- I went to college for Biology and Chemistry, which I had little interest in b/c it made me look smart.

- I nearly went into a profession (of dentistry) that I had zero passion for b/c it made me look capable.

-I kept all the rules b/c it made me look like a good girl.

-I haven't stuck with hardly anything, b/c I likely didn't start it for myself.

- I often don't listen when people are speaking b/c I'm anticipating the next thing that I'm going to say.

-I have been carrying on this charade for so long that I'm having trouble figuring out what it is I even want out of life.

And I believe the list could continue on indefinitely.  I'm hopelessly flawed, and not in the charming way Jane Austin says it.

Despite myself, and all my efforts, I have a two friends that boldly called me out on my shenanigans.  One did it on purpose and the other did it unwittingly, but they are both responsible for how I ended up here.  (In total seriousness, I feel that I am an addict who just had an intervention).

There is some good news, in case you're wondering.

- The first thing is that my frame of reference in dealing with others has shifted significantly.  I've immediately been experiencing increased love and compassion for people around me.  Although I am feeling sort of down for obvious reasons, I am feeling generous and easy about giving other people positive energy.  Normally, I walk through life quickly, busy in my head, aloof, and not noticing those around me too often.  I'm deliberate about the words and affection I offer people.  But now, I feel like I just want to look and smile to everybody who passes by me, and hug my friends.  

- Secondly, I feel sort of relieved.  I am giving myself the green light to be who I want to be. It's frankly exhausting to live in-authentically.  If the truth is that people see through my act, and are judging me anyhow, I might as well be true to myself and stop trying so hard to impress people that I probably don't even like in the first place.

So, I am creating for myself a few possibilities of being.

1. I am creating for myself the possibility of being true to my word.

2. I am creating for myself the possibility of being full of love and acceptance.

3. I am creating for myself the possibility of being courageous.

I no longer want to be a person who justifies myself out of commitments with "valid" reasons (it's too hard, too inconvenient, too embarrassing) of why I won't [fill in the blank] grow and progress.  I want incredible things to start happening.  And they will, by my having integrity to what I declare.

The incredible things of which I speak.

- I am going to be committed to my dancing business and I am going to learn my business.  It occurred to me last weekend that I have not been asking for help b/c I didn't want to appear incompetent.  I'm going to tell you right now.  I don't have a CLUE what I am doing here.  I've never owned a business before, I didn't go to school for business.  I have only been lucky so far, but now it's time to get real.  I have a lot to learn.  I am getting a coach, I am going to start asking questions and involving those around me so that my business is as successful as it can possibly be.

- I am going to have a real, intimate, and meaningful relationship with a man that I am absolutely butt crazy in love with.  I am not going to settle for less ever again b/c it's convenient or b/c I'm concerned with other people's opinions.  He is going to be my best friend.  He is going to know me b/c I am not going to withhold anything.  He is going to know that I love him b/c I am going to tell him and show him.

- I am going to be complete with my family.  I love them, and we are what we have.  I am going to call each of them once a week, and take the sacrifices needed to get my butt on a plane to see them more than once a year.

- I am going to magnify my church callings.  I am going to spend 30 minutes to an hour each day in deliberate study and preparation for my lessons, reading my scriptures and pondering ways to serve my neighbors (especially my visiting teach-ees).

Amen and good day.