here's the deal

So, this happens at the end of every single semester... it's so annoying. I'm falling apart.

At the beginning of every semester, I am always just so fresh and on top of my game. I am getting up early, exercising, eating right, reading my scriptures, working hard in school and at work- basically achieving all my potential awesomeness...

Then somewhere along the line, I get tired. About around the last half of the semester, I stop waking up on time (if at all), I cease working out, and scripture reading falls completely off the schedule.

This girl in my class yesterday asked me if I was ok, I looked tired, something was weird with my eyes...? I was fine. I had no make-up on. (In her defense, I have really blond eyebrows and eyelashes, so when I don't put mascara on them, I look sickly).

The good thing is, my grades are consistent. I will sacrifice everything else, but my school work always gets done. I'm starting to wonder if I have my priorities all out of whack? I mean, obviously school is important, but the rest of my life is in complete disarray!...

Anyways, I'm being candid about it all b/c, I mean, what can I do? Anybody who knows me, knows that I'm just going to make lists of goals, and start the whole thing over again, as soon as finals are over.

In fact, I went to the gym tonight!
I walked on the treadmill, up hill for 10 minutes. Ran for 5 minutes. Did 10 sit-ups. Did 10 bicep curls, and called it a night... I didn't want to over exert myself.

ANYWAYS.

So here's the deal. I have 3 final exams and a presentation next week. I'm probably going to allow my muscles to continue to decompose between now and next Friday. THEN, it's time to get serious. I'm going to the beach for a week in June. I can't help that peeps will have to bear witness to my gleaming white flesh; But I can help my flabby gleaming white flesh.

In addition to working my hot bod, here is a compilation of my other goals:


* Think positively, I'm going to evolve into a the-glass-is-half-full girl.

* Call home more often

* Attend all my church meetings, even when I don't want to

* Read my scriptures

* Venture away from my comfort foods and cook something new

I really love making lists. Just creating a list already makes me feel so accomplished.

Well. That about does it for today.

oh the agony

This is where I am...studying for finals....bleh

This is where I wish I were! Happy, happy, joy, joy

my lil monkey

This Christmas break, I ran into my friend, Camille, with whom I grew up dancing. She told me that when her sister started having babies they were just so cute; Camille knew that when she began having children of her own, she would have to be prepared to tell them, "Don't worry honey, Heavenly Father looks at how beautiful we are on the inside!"
I laugh every time I think about this b/c she is so dang cute herself... She's incapable of having unattractive offspring. In fact, she was telling me this story as I was complimenting her perfect little newborn. She went on to say that since having her own she has changed her tune.

It's going to be some time, I'm sure, before I start popping out miniature versions of myself. Until then, this is my nephew. (Yes, my little brother's son.) He is a perfect little human with an uncanny resemblance to his daddy. I love him so much.
I hope that when I have kids they look half as cute as this squeezable little peanut!

Little Women

Every now and again, when I get a moment, I like to take inventory of my life. It usually ends with my exclaim, "What am I doing!? Everything is all wrong!!"
The natural way we humans check our general status in life is by comparing ourselves to our contemporaries. I have girlfriends my age getting ready to have their 3rd child...
Yeah.
By that standard, I'm failing miserably.
You know how you grow up and your mom tells you you're unique and special? Well, it's true. I'm totally "special". I don't know a single soul who goes about life using the same quirky methods I do.
On rare occasion, this does worry me, and therefore cause me to call my mom and then worry her.
However, I do find solace knowing that my getting-ready-to-have-their-third-child contemporaries are worrying that they're messing up their kids for life b/c they accidentally forgot to do some perfect mom thing.
I don't think I'm wrong in saying that we all worry about sucking at life.
I don't know how you make yourself feel better about it, but let me offer what ALWAYS makes me feel better.
It's not ice-cream (I'm lactose-intolerant), and nope, it's not chocolate (I'm more of a vanilla girl myself).
Little Women. My all time favorite movie.
I'm Jo in this movie. Josephine March is a free spirited, unconventional girl. She's "hopelessly flawed", as am I, and we really "get" each other. She gives up marrying Laurie (every time I'm like "NO!!! Don't let him get away! Your bratty little sister is going to steal him!), and she goes to the big city to pursue her dreams. She worries that she's untalented and that she'll never fit in anywhere. But it's not true! We all love Jo! And her dreams do come true! And... In the end she marries the adorable foreign dude.
Do you see how I'm Jo? I'm totally Jo. And just like that, I'm happy. Works every time.

dreams

Does anybody know how to interpret dreams?
For two nights in a row I have dreamt about hamburgers. HAMBURGERS!...?
I'm a pseudo-vegetarian (avap: as vegetarian as possible). Given choices I nearly always choose the veggie option, and even more rarely do I eat hamburgers. In the last six months I've probably had 2.
Last night, I had a dream that my roommate, my branch president's wife and I were hanging out and they started making hamburgers and talking about who they were going to serve them to, and they were leaving me out, and they began ignoring me...and I was like... "I want a hamburger! Why aren't they inviting me!?" Totally stupid right?!
Then, the night before last, I dreamt that I was hanging out with another friend and I was preparing a hamburger for myself to eat. I was being very meticulous and after I had made it just right, decided I wanted a different bun b/c the one I had was too hard...
So, does this mean I'm craving some meat in my life?

Tulipomania

Among biology majors, there arises two types of people; plant people and animal people. There are those who really hate plants and abhor taking the required plant requirements; and then there are those weirdos that are obsessed with plants and end up dedicating their lives to them.
Although I would like to claim being both, I could very well be the latter.
In the summer time, when I was a kid, as a form of punishment, my mother would make me weed the garden. I guess, since she was the daughter of a farmer, being made to go work in a garden WAS punishment. I laugh every time I think of this, b/c I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
At least once a day, I fantasize about when I no longer live in the city and have a garden of my own. I think about how I'm going to ward off beetles, and how I'll encourage pollinators. I wonder about all the delicious vegetables I'm going to plant and how I'll use them to feed my family and neighbors. I daydream about the lovely flowers (spring tulips in particular) that will serve as decor and also encourage certain vegetable growth. Pretty soon, I'm thinking, well, if I'm going to have a garden I might as well have some chickens too. (I don't know where this connection comes from...) and with chickens must also come at least one cow to milk. I should probably also have some goats, so I can have different kinds of milk and cheese, since my palate needs variety. I'm definitely going to need a boat, b/c I'm going to live next to water so I can fish. Then I think... this is really going to teach my kids discipline, and how to be self sufficient...
I know, I live a rich fantasy life. I want to be a dentist/botanist/gardener/milk-maid/fishing mom who speaks 3-4 languages.



These are two books that I'm reading for a class that I love... I recommend them for those of you who are interested in how plants shape our world economically and otherwise.

Over the years...

I've lived in Richmond for nearly 5 years now, and I go home 1-2 times a year. Every time I go home I run into at least one person who does not recognize me and I have to be like "It's ME Jessica! You know...Your NEICE..." (True story, that actually happened at my lil bro's wedding) And then when they realize I am who I claim to be, they're like "You've changed so much!"...
Really?...weird.
I walk away thinking to myself... I haven't really gained or lost weight... my face is still my face... what's the deal with people? I rarely forget people or names...especially family members. haha...
I have a good friend who likes to tell me that the reason why I have curly hair is b/c of my personality, not the other way around. In other words, what I am on the inside shapes my outside. I like that... which sort of leads me to wonder, have my insides changes so much over the years that I've essentially changed physically? I think that could be a legitimate argument. As I am still quirky, silly Jessica, I would venture to say that I am indeed very much a different person than I was 5 years ago, even one year ago. I like to think that I'm constantly evolving and getting better with age... I've always said that I can't wait to be 80. I'm going to be such a freaking cool old lady.

Here's a series of picks of me over the years. You can judge for yourself if I've really changed that much.


Dixie and Me New Years 2003-04 SLC


Atop Alhambre in Granada Spain, 2004


Morocco Africa 2004


Charleston South Carolina 2005


Idaho Summer 2005


Spring 2006


December 2006


Winter 2007


Spring 2008