Ima be.

happy.
creative.
celebrative.
patient.
real.

Balance.

Back when I was in school, I used to cringe when people asked me what I liked to do for fun. 

What are my hobbies? ... You mean, besides reading text books and preparing for tests?...

Oh, ok.  Um. There's eating and sleeping…. That’s two….On Sundays I go to church. And a few times a week I work out…maybe…. Did I mention eating?  I love to eat.  Wait, I did mention that already, didn’t I?.... Preeeettty boring…

Lately, I’ve been thinking to myself.  “Hey!  I want somebody to ask me what I do for fun.  I am interesting now. I have something I could say!”

Go ahead.

Ask me what I do for fun.

Ok, I’ll just tell you.

*deep breath, cross legs, lean forward, hands start motioning a mile a minute. Go*

So, recently, I took up horseback riding lessons.  I love it.  I’m learning how to post.  For those of you who don’t know, that’s when you stand up in your stirrups and then sit back down as the horse trots.  Today we went up to a lope.  I was terrified, but it was exhilarating.  I almost cried.  Again.  These horses, they have this weird emotional effect on me! Anyway, also today, my trainer, Paul, put me in an English saddle instead of my normal western, to see how I took to it.  I liked it better. Although the horn on the Western is nice to grab a hold of in times of fear, it gets in my way.

From now on, I will be riding Drew on the English saddle.  I need to start saving up for my very own riding boots.

2. I am working on my first painting as an adult.  I pretty much did the whole thing in one day, but I’m unhappy with the way it turned out.  It's 3 birds in flight.  I am going to continue to work on it until I am satisfied.  I guess after a decade of nonuse, my drawing and painting abilities have decreased quite a bit.  Last night before bed, I imagined paintings that I want to begin work on.  I have plans for Christmas gifts this year. 

I paint now.  I'm creative.  I'm cool.

4.  I picked up the piano again after years of absence.  My mother will be pleased do know that she was right.  All those years ago, when I complained about practicing, she knew someday I’d appreciate it.  I have a piano to play over at Paul’s house.  Paul is my horse riding instructor, and also happens to be my roommate Nate’’s biological padre.  He is maybe one of the coolest men I’ve ever met.

5.  I am actively reading my scriptures now.  I know that for many of you that has been a habit you’ve been in since seminary.  Unfortunately, I have never been in that habit.  But now I am.  And I do it for fun. 

6. I’ll soon be taking my dogs for walks and training them, as soon as I have them. Yay!

I’ve been working a lot still, but I feel like for the first time in my life, I am developing balance. Up until now, balance has not been a part of my vocabulary nor my life.

As I’m writing this I’m thinking to myself.  I’m writing this to mostly friends of mine who are young mothers.  I know you have little time to yourself these days b/c it is wrapped up in your babies.  I know that you’d never trade your kids for anything in the world; they are what life is all about!  But having sufficient time to yourself is limited.  You have to be sufficient in keeping balance.  Is that hard?  Do you look back to before the time you got married and think, "I'm glad I did that, b/c I'd never have time for it now", or "I wish I had done this or that, b/c now I'm too busy with little peanut." ...?

I’m a person who has nev-er had balance in my life.  I tend to be sort of extreme.  In high school, my life revolved around dance.  I focused on shockingly little else.  A lot of girls also managed to have boyfriends, and went to parties, and were involved in numbers of other sports, and were valedictorians.  Not me.  Dance. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.  (To be fair, I was devoted to more than one type of dance).  What's sort of ironic about it is I didn't even care all that much about dance.  It's just, that's what I did.  I was good at it, I enjoyed it to a moderate degree, and so I gave it all my attention. 

In college, books and school were my life.  The end.  As I mentioned, before I had zero hobbies.  I often even forgot to eat during that time.  It’s true.

And let’s be honest, all last year when I was dating Clint, and we were in the same city he was my life and nothing much else mattered.  My life was very unbalanced.

My natural tendency is to pick one thing and throw 100% of my energy into it.  Everything else suffers.

I reckon that there’s a good reason why I haven’t gotten married and had children just yet.  Heavenly father knows that if I had, too early in life, all else would have fallen by the wayside.  Later on down the line I might have regretted not doing "this", or doing "that" first. OR worse is that I would have wanted to continue to do school or start something else in the meantime, and I would have been so obsessed with it that my family would have suffered.

I have not been ready.  I still have stuff to accomplish first, and stuff to learn.  Not the least of which is balance.  I’m learning how to juggle many important things all at once; giving each thing it’s appropriate attention.  Emphasis on appropriate.  I think the best mothers are ones who know how to do that.  Someday, I think, I'm going to be a great mother.

p.s. pictures will come from horseback riding when I find my camera charger, or buy a new one.

Tallahassee.

Have you ever meant to call a someone, but put it off?  And then you kept putting it off b/c then it seemed embarrassing that you waited so long to call?  And then you put it off too long that contacting them now just seemed sorta...almost pointless?

I don't think I ever do that sort of thing... 

Ugh my blog....ugh... I'm just so behind.  Where do I even START?... I know you have ... these...EXPECTATIONS...of my move...and all...

Alriiiiighty. So here's a recap.
In Richmond, after I graduated college, a year ago I started working for Dancing Little Stars. I loved it.

I had the opportunity presented to me to buy a DLS franchise and take it somewhere of my choosing.
I considered it, but mostly dismissed it.  I mean, I had a serious boyfriend of over a year and I wanted to stay in Richmond at least for another year.  I thought I was going to go to grad school.

Buuuut. The as time went on, Richmond, as much as I seriously, seriously loved that city (*tear!!!), was feeling less right.  I knew it was time to go.  I felt my time there was up.  I felt the itch; That oh-so-familiar itch, to pick it up and charge ahead on a new adventure...

So, long story short, I bought that DLS franchise and chose Tallahassee, Florida as my next place of residency.  Why FLA? Let's just say it was another opportunity that fell in my lap.

Backing up.
Let me tell you a little something about myself that you might find amusing.  As you probably already know, I'm sort of a go-getter, but not in the traditional sense.  I wouldn't describe myself as a workaholic.  I don't think anybody would.  If there is a couch and a book/movie to be read/watched, I will be there.  I totally get 9 hours of sleep per night, and still try to take a nap during the day.  I am as lazy as I can get away with being.  However, when I want something.  I won't quit until it's mine.  A friend of mine about 4-5 years ago nicknamed me "Force-it", for that reason.  I will force things open/closed/in/out/whatever.  If I feel an uncomfortable conversation needs to be had, I will make it happen.  If I want to go to school on the east coast.  I will do it, no matter the amount of student loans.  If I want to go to Spain...twice...you get the idea.  I am actually not proud of this quality.  In fact, I am moderately embarrassed by it.  It's not a flattering characteristic... it certainly gets me in trouble.

A few years ago I tried to force some things out of my life, like refined sugar and meat.  Like seriously? So, I can be extreme.  Fortunately, I often recognize the foible of my ways and remedy it.  I mean, did I honestly think I could live without red velvet cupcakes and steak the rest of my mortal days?...  Life is short guys.

I guess, I am just trying to find my way.  This is how I go about it.  Does anybody out there find this endearing, instead of obnoxious?.... Anybody?

I tell you this b/c what is truly fascinating is what happens when I'm beat and I sit still for a minute. When I stop being force-it, worrying and being borderline crazy.   Things literally fall from the sky into my lap.  One example, the jobs I've had over the years.  I have applied for many jobs in my day.  But every single one that I've actually held (painter, news station camera girl, tutor, nail technician, nanny/babysitter, aupair, orthodontist assistant, ballet teacher) were all handed to me.  Half I barely applied for, and the others were given to me.

And it's not just part time jobs.  The absolute best opportunities in my life are ones that simply present themselves to me, and that I just go with. (Don't misunderstand, maintenance and work still required)

So with this knowledge, why am I not more easy going and chill?...

My biggest trial in life is being patient and letting things be.  While we're on the subject, let me state, that this happens to be the specific trial in my life, right now.  Right this very moment.
In no less that 3 areas of my life, I am having to patiently let things unfold naturally, as Heavenly Father sees fit, while I pray like my life depends on it, and work my tail off.  This is not the purpose of life, yes?

I am learning.

Guess what the first big lesson my Tally life has taught me?

That I don't know diddly.

Remember when we were like 19, and we thought we knew ev.er.y.thing.?  I mean, I did.  I knew what life was all about!  I knew when I was going to get married, and when and how many children I'd have and their names.   I knew what was right and what was wrong; who was good and who was bad.

Over the years, I've recognized that I actually have a thing or two to learn about real life.

But wow.  These past few weeks have truly shown me, in a way like never before, that I don't know jack.  I don't know anything about love.  I don't know anything about life.  I don't know much about anything.  I am just a child, faking my way.

Humility.  Oh, it's a fun place to be.

I want to pause and give myself some credit, and say that I do, in fact, know some stuff.  But let's not.  Let's not jinx anything just today, ok?

I can joke about it now, but dang.  It's been a tearful, emotional few weeks.  Thank goodness for trials, right?  As hard as they are, and as much as you want to slit your wrists in the meantime (ok just joking, not that bad), if you are paying attention, they give you perspective and wisdom.  That's the good part of tribulation, I suppose.

I'm in a good place, and sort of starting from scratch.  I am literally starting my life over at 27 years old!  It's kind of cool.  Sometimes I tell myself that I'm pretty bad A. (sorry...it gets me through)

I'm working for myself.  Dancing Little Stars doesn't start up till the fall, but there is still plenty of work to be done.  Believe that being your own boss totally has it's perks.  I was always meant to work for myself.  I'm all about the flexible schedule, the self motivation...etc...etc... However, it is hard work too.  When you wake up in your own office and don't have anybody to dress up for, it's mighty tempting to take all day doing nothing.

I am cleaning houses for extra cash.  It's humbling, backbreaking work.  I recommend it for anybody.

I got another extra job working at a golf club.  I start next week.  I'm hoping to meet lots of interesting people with connections.  And improve upon my golf game.  Yeah baby.

I also got another job as a tutor.  Hey, I have bills to pay and who knows how the biz is going to fair?

The BEST thing is that I am taking horseback riding two mornings a week.  Horses are the most therapeutic animals.  When I am on the back of a horse, I am focused and exhilarated.  I almost cried on mine today... b/c I was so happy.  I know.  Freak.

I played the piano today for the first time in years.  I decided I'm going to play once a week now.

I am doing the P90X program.  I'll admit, my body is looking pretty smoking these days.  Hey, whatever.  You have husbands and babies.  Let me have my abs.

I am adopting 2 orphan doggies next week.  Their names are Bubba and Birdy... looking forward to some cuddly companionship.

I am now on my second season of Alias on my laptop b/c I don't own a television.

I am reading my scriptures everyday, and quite enjoying it!  I am learning about things that I haven't learned about in years...or ever!

Life is beautiful.

I didn't want to leave you without any pictures...but I lost my camera charger, so all I have are old photos and ones from my iphone.  Here's a picture from last summer though.  Don't I look happy? I was.

This is my most recent photo of Nate' and I together.  This girl and I have been through a lot, man.  She is such a great friend.  I'm so glad I have her to share my Tallahassee experience with.

Me at Wakulla Springs in FLA, first week here.  This is where they filmed the old, original Tarzan movie, and The Creature From the Black Lagoon.