Balance.

Back when I was in school, I used to cringe when people asked me what I liked to do for fun. 

What are my hobbies? ... You mean, besides reading text books and preparing for tests?...

Oh, ok.  Um. There's eating and sleeping…. That’s two….On Sundays I go to church. And a few times a week I work out…maybe…. Did I mention eating?  I love to eat.  Wait, I did mention that already, didn’t I?.... Preeeettty boring…

Lately, I’ve been thinking to myself.  “Hey!  I want somebody to ask me what I do for fun.  I am interesting now. I have something I could say!”

Go ahead.

Ask me what I do for fun.

Ok, I’ll just tell you.

*deep breath, cross legs, lean forward, hands start motioning a mile a minute. Go*

So, recently, I took up horseback riding lessons.  I love it.  I’m learning how to post.  For those of you who don’t know, that’s when you stand up in your stirrups and then sit back down as the horse trots.  Today we went up to a lope.  I was terrified, but it was exhilarating.  I almost cried.  Again.  These horses, they have this weird emotional effect on me! Anyway, also today, my trainer, Paul, put me in an English saddle instead of my normal western, to see how I took to it.  I liked it better. Although the horn on the Western is nice to grab a hold of in times of fear, it gets in my way.

From now on, I will be riding Drew on the English saddle.  I need to start saving up for my very own riding boots.

2. I am working on my first painting as an adult.  I pretty much did the whole thing in one day, but I’m unhappy with the way it turned out.  It's 3 birds in flight.  I am going to continue to work on it until I am satisfied.  I guess after a decade of nonuse, my drawing and painting abilities have decreased quite a bit.  Last night before bed, I imagined paintings that I want to begin work on.  I have plans for Christmas gifts this year. 

I paint now.  I'm creative.  I'm cool.

4.  I picked up the piano again after years of absence.  My mother will be pleased do know that she was right.  All those years ago, when I complained about practicing, she knew someday I’d appreciate it.  I have a piano to play over at Paul’s house.  Paul is my horse riding instructor, and also happens to be my roommate Nate’’s biological padre.  He is maybe one of the coolest men I’ve ever met.

5.  I am actively reading my scriptures now.  I know that for many of you that has been a habit you’ve been in since seminary.  Unfortunately, I have never been in that habit.  But now I am.  And I do it for fun. 

6. I’ll soon be taking my dogs for walks and training them, as soon as I have them. Yay!

I’ve been working a lot still, but I feel like for the first time in my life, I am developing balance. Up until now, balance has not been a part of my vocabulary nor my life.

As I’m writing this I’m thinking to myself.  I’m writing this to mostly friends of mine who are young mothers.  I know you have little time to yourself these days b/c it is wrapped up in your babies.  I know that you’d never trade your kids for anything in the world; they are what life is all about!  But having sufficient time to yourself is limited.  You have to be sufficient in keeping balance.  Is that hard?  Do you look back to before the time you got married and think, "I'm glad I did that, b/c I'd never have time for it now", or "I wish I had done this or that, b/c now I'm too busy with little peanut." ...?

I’m a person who has nev-er had balance in my life.  I tend to be sort of extreme.  In high school, my life revolved around dance.  I focused on shockingly little else.  A lot of girls also managed to have boyfriends, and went to parties, and were involved in numbers of other sports, and were valedictorians.  Not me.  Dance. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.  (To be fair, I was devoted to more than one type of dance).  What's sort of ironic about it is I didn't even care all that much about dance.  It's just, that's what I did.  I was good at it, I enjoyed it to a moderate degree, and so I gave it all my attention. 

In college, books and school were my life.  The end.  As I mentioned, before I had zero hobbies.  I often even forgot to eat during that time.  It’s true.

And let’s be honest, all last year when I was dating Clint, and we were in the same city he was my life and nothing much else mattered.  My life was very unbalanced.

My natural tendency is to pick one thing and throw 100% of my energy into it.  Everything else suffers.

I reckon that there’s a good reason why I haven’t gotten married and had children just yet.  Heavenly father knows that if I had, too early in life, all else would have fallen by the wayside.  Later on down the line I might have regretted not doing "this", or doing "that" first. OR worse is that I would have wanted to continue to do school or start something else in the meantime, and I would have been so obsessed with it that my family would have suffered.

I have not been ready.  I still have stuff to accomplish first, and stuff to learn.  Not the least of which is balance.  I’m learning how to juggle many important things all at once; giving each thing it’s appropriate attention.  Emphasis on appropriate.  I think the best mothers are ones who know how to do that.  Someday, I think, I'm going to be a great mother.

p.s. pictures will come from horseback riding when I find my camera charger, or buy a new one.