Isn't that a song? Or is it "Monday...Monday..."
It's irrelevant.
So, I feel compelled to apologize for my last few posts; so few and far between with minimal content.
Sorry- You know how it goes when you're preparing for something that is going to determine YOUR FUTURE. (*Jaws theme music playing*) You get sort of caught up. yyyeah... I feel compelled to apologize for that too.
I have been such a crazy, insane, mental patient running loose! I am so sorry! The good news is, I had the most amazing day yesterday that changed my attitude. Let me tell you about it.
Some of you are grossly aware that all summer leading up to yesterday, I have been a ball of negativity- rolling around, predicting failure. I felt like, even though I'm smart and I work hard, it's not going to matter. This exam is going to dominate me like a 5th grader dominates an ant with a magnifying glass.
I'm one of those types that keeps a lot to herself, and does her own thing, often neglecting relationships. Luckily, I am blessed with individuals that they don't let me get away with it, and love me anyway. My dad, my mom, my lil sis, my lil bro, Dixie and her husband Markus, and others all joined forces with me yesterday; fasting and praying that I would rock the DAT tomorrow (and if not, be cool about it). My heart is so touched and full of gratitude.
In my 25 years, I'm sure I have seen what the power of prayer, particularly prayer in numbers, can do. However, this time, it was for my own benefit, and it had a new sort of feel. I have never felt so held up and sustained. My testimony was strengthened.
Yesterday, as I went about my Sunday worship, I felt the spirits of my loved ones thinking about me, and loving me. I had tears in my eyes knowing that if I succeed in my dreams, it is not b/c I am smart, talented or work hard. It is b/c of them. It is because Heavenly Father heard their prayers and said..."awe OK, since Zena is so good, I'll bless her daughter to do well..." lol... I laugh, but I believe that.
Our new single's ward bishop called me into his office yesterday. I haven't been formally introduced to him yet, so I felt trepidatious about going in there. You never want your first meeting with the new bishop to be during a time like this...it can only end in tears...
He said he'd been watching me over the weeks, and feeling very compelled to speak with me. He said he'd almost even called me this week, but didn't b/c sometimes that scares people away...(haha) He asked me if everything was OK in my life, if there was anything I needed to talk about.
I was very composed and said "Oh nothing! Everything's great!..."
The high pitched "great" and the furious biting of my lip, accompanied with minimal eye contact must have given me away. He looked unconvinced.
So, I thought,
Ok, I'll give this dog a bone. "Well, actually, I
am about to take this test..."
And the flood gates open. Dangit.
Long, personal story short, I have never had a day where I have felt more compassion come my way. The bishop somehow knew that he needed to talk to me and took the time and energy to reach out. Furthermore, he was inspired to say things about me and to me that only a man of God could know. I left feeling comforted and peaceful, and strangely excited.
Take from this experience what you will. I just wanted to share. Some may think that it's too silly to get so worked up over stuff like this, but it's my thing, and my trial.
I'm just an ordinary girl, trying to make it in this big bad world, but God knows me. He knows who I am; all the details and quirks. He knows what I want, and what will make me happy. He desires to bless me with those things, but requires that I exercise faith and good works. When I do, he overwhelms me by blessing me through the lives of others. I believe that with all my heart.
