Saturday

You know when a character on T.V. is a psychologist or something and attempts to hypnotize a patient?  They tell them to imagine a place that they feel most happy and relaxed and at peace?

This is my place.

oh.  and here too.

and this couldn't hurt.

(p.s. have you been to Brookstone lately and tried this thing?  It's ridiculous how awesome/effective it is.  It's a hundred dollars and as soon as I move to Tallahassee, it's going to be my numero uno purchase. I'm pretty sure my dad could use one of these as well.)

a thought.

OK. So I know I've been uber depress-fest lately...  Look, I'm sorry!

I almost can't help it.  If get a thought in my head, practically any idea AT ALL, it will spin, and toil, and run around my brain, and then sit impatiently on the ledge, until I let it out.  It's a rule.  Furthermore, if I do not express the idea in the right words and adequately, under my own arbitrary standard, then I have to repeat myself and try out different ways of saying it, until I'm satisfied. 

I've come to realize that this can be a problem.

It can be a problem for my own sanity.  And it can be a problem for the sanity of my l.o.s (loved ones) who suffer through my jibber jabbering.

Last night, after putting my dearest l.o. through one of my problem solving & (I thought) meaningful conversations about ... problems and solving them, something came to my attention.

You know how in church we're taught to control our thoughts?- sing a hymn, count down from 1000 by 3's, or whatever?  In my naivity, I have always sort of assumed that this was in reference to pornographic thoughts, and maybe hateful thoughts. All other ideas in my mind being 100% relevant and imperative.  Period.  Why else would they be there?!  It has never truly occurred to me that thoughts of negativity could be lies coming from the adversary, and were to be combated not entertained.  (You knew this, right?)

Moreover, I have always treated negative/downer thoughts (read: doubt, fear, anger, hurt, frustration) as indicators that I'm doing something wrong.  That I am wrong... "STOP/CHANGE whatever it is you're doing, NOW! Analyzation and problem-solvation are in order!"  Basically.  (Can you imagine my further frustration/confusion?)  It seemed ludicrous ignore such thoughts or *gasp*- let them GO.

Well, now, I'm hoping to change my tune.  In the face of major change, I am witnessing some of my unflattering tendencies come to the forefront and it doesn't suit.  I want to be the best person I can be.  I recognize this as something that I can do better.

Doubt and fear are useless emotions.  I can completely throw them out.  If I know something to be right and true, I can charge forward with faith and cheer.   I don't need reassurance from an outside source.  I know it in my heart already.

Anger, hurt and frustration, with a little more thought, can be turned into understanding, selflessness, and love... And PATIENCE!!!  Oh and don't forget faith! Yeah man.  I really want some more of that stuff.

It is important to control your thoughts instead of being subject to random synaptic firings. C'mon girl.

So, I'm thinking lots of prayer and help from the H.G.will help me with this challenge.

I'm mildly embarrassed that I'm barely coming to this realization now, but I thought I'd share.  Maybe you deal with the same thing from time to time?

rock climbing extravaganza

One of the things that I'm going to deeply miss upon moving to Florida is our newly renovated Cary Street Gym.  I mean, this place is rad.

This is the place that got me back into working out.  I go to step class, body sculpt, A.B.S., beach body workout, yoga, Absoglutely, & Boot camp; a different class everyday.  They offer the best variety of classes, and so I never get bored! 

Last night, Clint and I met up with a couple friends of ours and decided to try out the rock climbing wall at Cary street.  No joke, you can rent all the (brand new) gear for free, and if you're not certified to belay, you can grab somebody to do it for you.  Sweet. Deal.  Clint has never been rock climbing ever before, and he's afraid of heights, but he scurried up that wall like it was no big thang!  I was so proud of him!  He totally conquered his fear!  He's such a stud! 

So, I think we're going to start going once a week and make it a tradition.  Well, for a month, anyway!

Congrats Neda-Jan!

In Spanish if you put "ita" at the end of the word, it makes it sort of cutsie.  Like, for example, my friend Alba.  Sometimes I call her Albita.  Or a more familiar example, senorita means little senora, or woman...

Similarly, in Farsi, if you want to turn a persons name into a term of endearment, you put -jan (sounds like John) at the end.  So, Neda's name isn't actually Neda-jan.  But it is if you think she's the cutest person ever and want her to feel special!

Anyways.  Just a little cultural lesson... Ahem.

Neda-jan, is one of my besties and she just graduated from dental school today! Yay!  I'm super proud of her.  She also just got engaged a couple weeks ago, so things are definitely on the up and up in her world! 

In fact, many of my friends are taking big steps this year.

Fizza is starting dental hygiene school.
Omar is starting medical school.
Shawna is planning her wedding.
Marianne is starting grad school.
Jennifer P is preparing to go through the temple for the first time.
Traci is about to have a baby.
The aforementioned Neda is, as of today, a doctor now and engaged.
Nate' is starting a restaurant.
and I'm moving to Florida and starting a business. (I mention myself, b/c yes, I am my own friend.)

This certainly isn't the first time any of my amigos have done something noteworthy.  The majority of my Idaho friends are married with children and mortgages by now.  Normally, my go-to reaction to these sort of grown up behaviors is bewilderment. (I've been in denial for years about being an adult.)
Instead, today, I'm feeling kind of humbled and proud (can you feel pride and humility simultaneously?).  I get that this is a unique and important time for me and some of my buds.  I'm grateful that I get to be a witness to their lives and that I have them to be witnesses of mine.  They are a type of high grade quality that you don't come across often.  Life is challenging, and makes me cry a lot (these days), but it is pretty great, especially when you are sharing it with people who are awesomely fantasticles.

A word about Neda's family: First of all, Neda's grandma is the sweetest and coolest old lady ever. And she thinks I'm pretty neat too b/c I know how to say like 2 words in Farsi.  The first time I met her, I made sure to impress her by saying Boosem comb (kiss me) and Hosh mezza (delicious).  After that, she wanted me to marry her grandson! ha!

Secondly, after Neda's graduation, her whole family and I went to her apartment for food and hanging out.  They proceeded to crank the music and spontaneously dance in the kitchen.  I joined in.  Why not? It was totally cool.

48 hours

That's how long my raw/vegan diet experiment lasted.
I'd say it was a success.  2 whole days.  My "fast" (I'd consider it a fast, wouldn't you?) was broken with Persian chicken salad (compliments of Neda's mother), edamame, and pot stickers. Yes. Oh yes.
Can you say that you've eaten nothing but raw fruits and veggies for 2 whole days?

Raw food

Nate' has suggested that she and I go on a raw/vegan diet/cleanse for 3 weeks this summer. I'm often down for a good health challenge. I've been going to my fitness classes pretty regularly, lately and my energy level has been higher. However, I'd kind of like to take it to the next level. 

I'm a big proponent of fasting and eating veggies as much as possible, especially the raw variety. I believe that taking a break from foods that don't come directly from the ground to your plate gives the body a nice break. It allows it to clean out some toxins and heal.  But don't get me wrong.  You vegetarians and vegans out there are missing out.  Meat, cheese and refined sugar is the spice of life.  I'm just saying once in a while, give it a rest.

I decided to give my raw food diet a test run last night for dinner and all day today.  I just want a lil preview to see if I can handle it.

My dinner last night:
I had a handful of almonds and this delicious looking meal:

I went to a pretty hippie, local grocer called Ellwood Thompson's and picked up some stuff from their "Raw Bar".  They had 2 things.  So, I got them both.
That white junk on the left is raw cabbage with a poppyseed "dressing" and some onions.  It was gross.
The stuff on the right is raw "spaghetti"! And it was not bad, surprisingly.  It had portabella mushrooms and stringed veggies to pose as "noodles".  It just tasted like bruschetta.

Today, I ate almonds, raspberries, strawberries with acai berry juice, and water.  Nnnnuts and berries. I didn't feel like consuming any veggies today, so that's all I've eaten.  No wonder I kept day dreaming about Feta and steak and macaroni and cheese...  Despite the food fantasies, I'm not that hungry and my energy level is normal.  You're supposed to feel kind of tortured the first couple of days of eating this way, but then your energy should go through the roof and all kinds of awesome things will happen; like clearer skin, a clearer mind, faster healing of sore muscles and wounds.

I'm hoping that the toxins (read: knots) in my neck and the zits on my face will scram. 

If nothing else, this is a good mind over matter exercise.  I'll be able to tell if I can do it for real next month.  I haven't decided on how long I'm going to carry on this current charade.  Probably till Sunday.  It won't be any longer than that, as Clint returns Monday.  And that event will call for some feasting.

oh who am I kidding?

Am I actually going to blog every single day? HA!
What day are we on anyways? 5 6?

Yesterday 2 days ago was Tuesday. I taught ballet all morning, and tutored bio all afternoon. Twas a long day of giving of myself. Just kidding. I got the moolah too.

Nothing exciting happened except around 10pm, all my belongings sans clothes and car and person (duh) arrived safe & sound in Tallahassee, Florida.

Today is Yesterday was Wednesday. I don't quite remember what my day was like, but I think I remember hating it.

Today was is Thursday. Good gracious Sally, my oh my. I am on an emotional roller coaster.

Let me tell you why for the past few days my life has been in shambles:
1. It has rained everyday since Friday.
2. I have had a pile of paper work to do and have refused to tackle it (until today- More on that later).
3. My sweet boyfriend is 2,000+ miles away and I hate it. And I equate it to what it's going to be like when I'm in Florida. and it makes me think I'm not going to be quite the happy camper I originally pictured. And it sucks.
4. I still haven't squeezed baby Vera and probably won't until she's too old to be squozzed anymo'. It's really just unfair and uncool.
5. Hormones.

Let me tell you how I snapped out of it this day (one of my dancers never says "today". Instead she says "this day" and it's awesome).
1. I simply allowed myself to just carry on and cry like a lunatic meanwhile doing paper work-just to see if it might help(???)
2. I looked at the clear blue sky and thanked the heavens for a nice day. finally.
3. I ate an entire pack of raspberries in one sitting. I don't know. I just felt like it.
4. I tackled that pile of paper work, crossed some things off my enormous list and felt stupid for being so (ok I'll admit it) overwhelmed.
5. Who am I kidding here? Hormones.

Day 3

Oh Sunday, Sunday.
I'm always reluctant to keep you holy...i.e. go to all my church meetings, but when I do, I'm always glad I did.

Sacrament meeting was good, but I was feeling lonely without Clint, and frankly-hormonal as I've ever been. So, afterwards, I skinned out lickity split, hopped into my car and drove away. A voice in my head said, "Turn around and go back to the rest of your meetings."

"NO." I replied.

The voice, "Are you going to blatantly ignore me and go lay in bed, watch Law and Order reruns and feel sorry for yourself the rest of the afternoon?"

"Yes. I fully intent on crying for no good reason for a good 2 hours till I have to go to my former boss's house. It sounds nice."

"Turn around and go back. You know you're going to be glad you did."

"Maybe, but I'm already in my car.... You can't make me.. No. ........ fffine!"

Every time. I swear.

Yeah. Against my will, I returned, went to Sunday school, and loved it; went to R.S. and was super glad I went. Of course. UGH, I hate it when my inner voice tells me what to do and is right about it!

I don't know why I hate it. I just do. I hate being cheered up when I just want to be grouchy. It makes no sense. I realize this.

Actually, I really just hate hormones. They rule my life.

I write this assuming there is not a single man on Earth that reads my blog, including the boyfriend. I prolly shouldn't make such an assumption. It could be embarrassing. Actually, I don't care.

Day 2

In case you didn't catch it yesterday, I'm counting to 10- Till Clint comes back and till I can stop being so dang productive.

So, against my will, I cried all day long yesterday. I tried not to. And I didn't think I was going to. I dropped Clint off at the airport at 5:30 am and congratulated myself repeatedly on the drive home for not getting emotional, (and also for not falling asleep at the wheel). I taught my ballet classes from 8:30 till 11:00 am and felt nothing but happiness. I came home, and took a nap. When I awoke, I restarted my day with packing and bawling. It continued off an on till 11 pm.

Awesome.

I've been so excited and so focused on things to come. However, it was when I started closing up my boxes with clear tape, I let myself recognize at that moment I was saying "goodbye".

(It didn't help that my awesome friends were too busy for me all day to return a single phone call, and Clint was 2,000 miles away frolicking through hills of green with a 9-iron in his hands. Whatever. I get it. It's not all about me.)

Anyways, let me compile a list of things Richmond that I'm saying farewell to.

1. Spontaneous lunches with Clint. I live 1 mile from his school, so a few times a week, when he has a long lunch, I can just swing by and pick him up. Our fave go-to places: Aziza's, and Lift.

2. My gorge' apartment; favorite place I've ever lived. Except for Spain, but that doesn't count.

3. The James. Yes, I realize that I'm moving to Florida, the Sunshine state; a land of innumerable lakes; surrounded on 3 sides with ocean, but I love our urban river.

4. The fan & Monument Ave. I love driving through there and imagining living in those houses. So pretty.

5. Kuba Kuba, Edo's Squid, Comfort, Cous Cous, Millie's. Good, delicious, soul filling food.

6. Trader Joes. At present there does not exist 1 single Trader Joe's in Florida. The thought alone gives me withdrawal symptoms. (Notice how this is the third food-related item on my list.)

7. The single's ward. HA! YEAH RIGHT!... OK, truthfully, I sorta will miss some of those peeps.

Ok. Hold the phone.
As I'm writing this list, my answers aren't coming spontaneously & without much thought. I'm thinking..."yeah, I'm gonna kinda miss MOM projects, and being in school, and leaves in the fall, and la dee dah..."

Here's the truth. I am so ready for this move my butt cheeks are burning for anticipating the drive. I can't wait to start this new adventure. There are truly 2 things that I'm going to miss in Richmond, that will likely cause me to hiccup and sputter over. They include Trader Joe's and Clint. I'm not going to see Clint on a bi-daily basis. That's going to be an adjustment. I'm not going to get to shop bi-weekly at Trader Joe's. That's going to be...hard. But, Clint will still be very much a part of my new life, and I'll find another grocery store to love. I'm resilient like that.

"What about your friends you cold hearted snake?", you ask? I'll answer that when one of them returns my call. K thanks.

Over and out.

Day 1

I have a big project ahead of me with a full list of things to do. I am not overwhelmed. I know how to tackle it all. However, here, on my half disassembled bed, I sit and think of shows I can watch online instead, to prolong the inevitable.  

I’m afraid of what comes after I accomplish all there is to do. Counting down my last days in Richmond is starting to prick at my heart and my tear ducts.

Clint is gone to Utah for 10 days, and there is so much less to distract me from the task at hand.  I want to get everything done before he returns so we can just sit back for one more month & enjoy each other before the LDR (long distance relationship) starts. Opposite that is a part of me that wants to procrastinate. If am scrambling till the last minute to get things done, maybe the reality of this enormous change won’t hit me.

I have my list.

Two tears only. I’m not going to cry today. I need to get moving.

-get a webhosting account
-Incorporate
-Obtain a business License
-Obtain Business Insurance
-Obtain a business checking and savings account
-set up a paypal
-obtain forms needed for social services
-set up to pay sales tax if needed
- Make flyers for RS activity in June.
- Get addresses for every single Preschool in the Tallahassee Area.
- Make and Print packets.
- Mail packets.
- Figure out Mac with converters vs PC with programs situation
- If I go with PC, acquire one.
- Pack up the rest of my apartment.
- Clean apartment.
- Take pictures of empty apartment so I can post them on my blog in a slightly depressing fashion.
- Print most recent pictures of Clint and me.
- Start planning a going away party.
- Start planning Clint’s birthday.
- Order bridesmaid dress for Shawna’s wedding.
- Get Florida Car insurance.
- Get Florida driver’s license.
- Make sure all bills are switched over to new Florida address.
- Make Flyers to put up in local high schools for biology tutoring.
- Consider tutoring for O chem.
- Get O chem. Books back from Fizza and Omar.
- Post ads on Craig’s list.
- Make a list and prepare resume’s and applications for a summer job.
- Plan Memorial Day weekend.
- Get deposit from Sarah.
- Make sure electric is switched over under Kim’s name.
- Study for tutoring this week.
- Plan this weeks ballet/tap lessons.
- Read entire training manual.
- Hang out with Beth Tuesday Afternoon.
- Get U-Haul truck Monday, load her up, send down to Florida with Nate’ and Nate.
- Hang out with Fizza and Neda.
- Get pictures from Saleh.
- Organize all files.
- Take box of stuff to thrift store.
- Take books back to the library.
- Add more things to list as they arise.
- Skype with Dixie.

Aside, from getting a Florida license plate and a driver’s license, I plan on accomplishing this list in the next 10 days. Ready. Here I go.

 This picture has nothing to do with this post.  I don't know whose cat this is, nor from where I even acquired such a ridiculous photo.  It just makes me laugh.

as per request

I recognize that, yes, I did put these on facebook. So, you've prolly seen these picts already. However, some of you are not facebook savvy (mom) and haven't seen them.

Sadly, this haircut lasted a mere 48 hours. We cut it late Friday night and he shaved the rest of it Sunday night, for school. The good news is, the semester ends Friday, so he's going to grow his hair out and cut it like this again for the summer. "Why did we not just wait till Friday to cut it, so he could keep it for the summer?" You ask? Because we are boneheads. That's why.

Anyways. I don't care what any of you haters (Jake) may say, I think Clint looks dang sexy sporting a curly-blonde-mohawk. And my opinion is all that matters anyway. Behold.

Pioneer woman encounter

Clint thinks I should rename my blog "Pioneer girl" or "Pioneer Lady"... I'm considering it. 
Because I'm mildly obsessed with Ree Drummond and her ways.

That's random and actually has little to do with this post.

Actually, I take it back.  It has everything to do with this post. Ha. Tricked you.

Last Tuesday, I had nobody to hang out with.  Jen was flying to Vegas.  Clint was studying. Neda was getting engaged... literally.  What to do?

I knew that Pioneer woman was going to be only two hours north of me in the thriving cuidad The District of Columbia.  (Yes, that's DC folks, in case you didn't know.)  She was doing a book signing.

On a whim, and I mean, quite spontaneously, I decided to jump in my car and brave our capital's traffic to get an autograph from the one woman on the planet I care to idolize.

I arrived 20 minutes before 5pm to Borders in Fairfax, VA.  (This is important to note, b/c I didn't actually talk to PW till 9:30 pm.)

The moment I walked in, I remembered that Ree's target demographic is the stay at home mom.  About 98% of the people there were middle aged women with children in tow.  It was funny.  I am a weird one, I guess.  Most girls my age...well, a lot of girls my age are actually moms too by now, come to think of it.  But what I was going to say is that most girls my age I think are more interested in .... I don't even know, actually.  I'm not like most girls my age.

Forget that.  I simply stood there and marveled.

I think that this is why-

I think that most women like PW b/c they're in the same boat as her.  They are moms too.  Their lives are dedicated to their children and cooking and photographing their lives.  They read Ree's posts and they're like "yeah, meee too!  I totally feel ya sister!"

(These 2 gals were kind enough to chat it up with me a bit while we shared our space in line.  They even held my spot when I ran next door to get my iphone a car charger, since I used up all the battery updating my status on facebook-  The lady in green, on the left has a food blog: Love Feast Table)

I'll tell you why I like PW.  I like how she writes.  I like how when she lays down a sentence you can actually hear her voice and it's funny as all get out.  She's real.  I like how she embraces life and does nothing halfway.  It's like one day she decided to learn to cook and then she became amazing at it, one step, and one day at a time.  One day, she decided to learn how to take pictures and little by little she's mastered it.  I like how in her story "Black heels to tractor wheels" she took a risk.

I know.  This is so cheesy, but she inspires me.  Unlike the women who are already like her, I want to be her.

So, I went to DC all alone, so I could get her to sign her name in her cookbook.

I rehearsed in my mind for 4 hours standing in line what I was going to say to her when it was my turn.

Like-
"Did you ever think when you were in LA spotting celebrities that one day you'd be one?"

You know, clever banter like that...

Or maybe something more sentimental, like-
"In black heels to tractor wheels, you followed your gut and left LA to move to Chicago.  You left your boyfriend behind, who you loved b/c you had to follow your heart and do something just for you.  You took a huge risk.  Your story gave me inspiration and courage to take my own risk and do this thing in my life."

Or how about-
"Ohmygosh, I love your red hair, you're so classy!  I'm a former ballerina myself, and I too love a nice pair of chaps on a man!  Can I [literally] have your autograph! Is Josh single?- 'cause just to be near you and be friends with you, I'd marry him!"

...too much?

Apparently, I thought so too, cause after hours of standing in line.  This was our conversation:

Ree: "Hi! I love your skirt!"
Me: Oh thanks! ...wow, look at all your presents! (*a lot of the people gave her gifts?...weird...why didn't I think of that??*)
Ree: *signing my book* "haha...oh yeah..."
Me: Well, you're very loved!
Ree: *hands me my book*
Me: Thanks, nice to see you!
Ree:  Thanks for coming!!

Awkward photo... I'm so cool, check me out!

Me...*walking away*. wow.  "you're very loved"?  what kind of bonehead comment is that?... ... hm that was sort of anticlimactic.  Honestly, I was hoping she would ask for my blog address and immediately comment on one of my posts via iphone.  She liked my skirt.  Cool.  I knew she would.  We ballerinas love a good skirt.  She makes over a million dollars a year on that blog?  unbelievable!  Well, it's believable... My legs hurt. 

Anyways...

Afterwards, I called my good buddy Scott who resides there in Washington.  We went to the nearest place that was open past 10pm, Hooters, and ordered some low quality grub.  It was really all about the conversation anyways.  OK And-let's be honest-the wing sauce.

Hey Scott,

"...Hi!..um I'm um going to be your um.. well your hooter's girl for the evening..."

BAH!!!

I think our waitress knew that her job was sort of...a comedy act.  After she was finished being awkward, she was really cute and sweet.  Get that girl a sweater!

um... excuse me? Can I get some fries?

And that was my random Tuesday last week.

the word.

When I was in elementary school I wanted to be a shark specialist.
And when I was in junior high, I wanted to be a writer.
When I was in high school, I wanted to be an interior designer.
And, actually. I still want to be all those things.

Baz Luhrmann said in his cool sunscreen song-



"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
life.  The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don't."

This makes me feel interesting.

I've spent the last 8 years doing  a little bit of this, and a little bit of that.  I worked as a camera girl at a news station.  I worked as a dessert maker at a restaurant.  I was a nanny, a painter, then a dental assistant, a tutor, then a ballet/tap instructor to preschoolers.  Meanwhile, I got my degree in Biology and Chemistry and a minor in Spanish...

(This is starting to sound like a resume)

I was pretty convinced for a few years that I was going to be a dentist.  All my efforts in college were directed at that goal, but true to form, I changed my mind.


Over the course of my life, I have tried on lots of different hats.  More often than not, I've been bewildered by all the directions my interests have taken me.  However, all along the way there have been a few common denominators.  While growing up and intending for a life of mad science, I have repeatedly found myself going back to my basics which include hanging with kiddos, dancing, and dreaming of being my own boss.  I've found a way to turn those things into my primary focus and source of income.

It's been in the works for about a year now, but now that the papers are signed, it's time for the big reveal.  I bought a ballet company for preschoolers and taking it down to Tallahassee, Florida!  I'm franchising a company already in existence here in Richmond which is part of why I'm not staying.  Hello, year-round sunshine!

I know many of you are thinking- "wow, that rules!" or "Good for you, Jess!"...or "....gooooood luck...ahem..."  "but what about Clint?"


Well, I'll tell you what about Clint!  First things first.  I cut his hair into a mohawk last night, in preparation for buzzing completely.  It surprised both of us how much we LOVE it!!  He's keeping it till they make him shave it at school.  Secondly, we love each other more than ever.  Clint's my bestie and my squeezer.  The time is just not right for us to bust out with diamond rings and floral arrangements.  This next year is about him focusing on his last year of dental school and graduating.  He has boards to study and prepare for and externships etc...  More importantly, I'm doing something that is totally for me.  We're going to try our hand at the long distance thing.  It's 100$ for a round trip ticket from Richmond to Tallahassee so we expect we'll see each other at least once a month.


So there you have it!  My goss'!
Over and out.
Before I go, here are some of my darlings.